On being alone.
I have an itch: I want to take a train ride. I have successfully idealized this itch like I have many others. I would go alone and, if possible, be gone longer than I could handle being gone– but being gone a while is part of the romance.
I would be alone, sitting by the window, watching the night sky fly by, drinking something requiring the attitude and appearance of age– or a driver’s liscense –to obtain.
I would feel free. I would feel unattached. I would act as though I had no possessions– only my memories to grapple with and dreams to dream.
There by the window, my story, as it were, would be reset, if I would only let it.
Given the chance, would you change your life– would you make it exactly what you want?
When alone, the choices you make are your own. When alone, you could lose everything, yourself and mind included, and it would only affect you. When alone, you can become anyone and no one will be the wiser.
So there I am: rolling through the country on a train: rewriting and rethinking: drinking just to enjoy the pleasure of doing so.
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I think if I was given a chance to change my life, I would not change a lot of it. I think things happen for a reason to make us who we are and if we change that then who would we be. When I am alone, my mind tends to wonder and think of what ifs. Although it is not for long, then I realize that thinking about what might have been is not a good idea. I do not tend to share what I think about when I am alone. No one needs to know, right? At least, that is what I think. Good story.
I didn’t mean to imply I would go back and change things that already happened. I think, too, our experiences, and also people, help create who we are. I only meant changing your life in terms of what you want in the near (or distant) future. Change might not be the right word…
Gee, I love this post. It makes me want to soar.
Thank you; I’m glad.
Yeah, sure. I would change my life. I do change my life, all the time. But mostly, I want another one. And another, and another. One time I want a houseful of children. One time I want to live alone. One time an artist, one time an idiot. One time a glutton, one time a mystic. Or I could try to be a little bit of each each day.
davidbdale– Very interesting perspective. We are so complicated. Your comment illustrates this nicely. For that and its honesty, I enjoy it. Also, conceptually, it’s very thought-provoking: “One time a glutton, one time a mystic.” …just so interesting.
I love those romanticized moments. I love sitting there, wishing I were serene and reflective, drinking something I don’t really like the taste of but that seems appropriate. Thinking of uprooting myself and stepping into a new world of unexperienced places, and unknown people.
Fantastic job, E